The first impression of Russia is good roads and neat roadsides: no weeds, no garbage, and lighting at night. Even in the field, where there are no houses or other buildings, the installed reflective signs illuminated the entire part of the route along which we were driving.
Children and grandchildren met with shouts of cheers and rejoiced as if I had brought not myself and a half-empty bag with old things, but unprecedented toys.
And then there was dinner on the terrace and music that was not scary to play on the street - long-forgotten songs, loved and banned in Ukraine in all public places. The feeling that I was at home immediately appeared in a kind of lightness and freedom to just sit and talk about what you think, without fear that someone would snitch. And then a computer where you can watch news from everywhere without having to clean your phone and laptop every time for visiting prohibited pages and unwanted contacts.
My children and grandchildren have a different attitude to what is happening. The eldest grandson in a conversation said: “I have always had great respect for my uncle (my son). I infinitely respected him for being a successful, wealthy person, but after he insulted the person dearest to me - my mother, I don’t know how to treat him and I will never forgive him for this. Here they are - resentment and misunderstanding, youthful maximalism and the delusions of youth.
Yes, it was in the early days of the war. The children quarreled and told each other everything that did not need to be said, closed themselves from contacts and are not yet ready for a serious conversation. But I do not despair, because I understand very well what happened. And I know my children. They are real good people. It's just that the system has very stubbornly built them into its value matrix over the years, in which money and only money were the measure of not accomplished, but simply wealthy people.
Of course, time will pass and we will understand each other, and I will not rush things. To all the truths and truths you need to come PERSONALLY. Because these are the peaks of their own soul, which can only be conquered by those who are ready and want to see the world not from their personal “bell tower”, but from our common, human, given to us from birth.
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| ELENA MARKOSYAN|
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